“He was not interested in spirituality as a form of escape. He was training people to become ‘sacred warriors’ — not so that they could do battle with others but so that they could develop the kind of courage one needs to be kind and happy and radically alive in the midst of the world. There is no dry land, he said; there is only fearlessnes, which is to be found in the heart. This is the path to freedom.”
I just re-found across this quote from Elizabeth Lesser describing the Buddhist teacher Chögyam Trungpa. I needed it today. Reading this now, I am tapping into the words RADICALLY ALIVE, FEARLESSNESS, HEART, and FREEDOM. I am remembering the part in me that is feral. I am standing by the ocean, its roar washing over me, drowning out the voice in my head: You are not enough, not enough, not enough…
I had some tough news yesterday – news of a violation of implicit trust, news that someone I’d hoped might be a bigger person is, after all, trying to bring me down. Down into the mud of shame. I spent all last night down there – sinking far into the muck, believing every last bad thing about myself while also shuddering in disbelief at this person’s cruelty.
Today – cloudy and cold, yes, but a new haircut on my head, a kale and olive salad in my belly that was prepared for me by my sweet partner, a pot of spicy molé chili on the stovetop filling the house with the aroma of pepper and chocolate. Today – I am breathing into my heart center, remembering what I’ve done and where I’ll go. Remembering that this particular muck does not need to be mine.
“Stay in the energy of your path bringing you to who and where you are today. Don’t let this rendition of the past alter your growth from it.” This text message came across the screen of my phone, directly from my friend who is at Kripalu now, that space and place where I grew so much, the place and space in which I connected daily with fearlessness. A place that reminds me — even thousands of miles from it — to be radically alive. Thank you, Mary. Thank you, Chris. Thank you, Swami K. Thank you, Elizabeth Lesser and Chögyam Trungpa.